I was a highly sensitive and intuitive child brought up in an environment where emotions were denied and spirituality was feared. I was deeply spiritual and felt at home in the unseen realms and at an early age, I knew what I was here to do.
Despite that, my desire to belong caused me to suppress my deepest truth and step on a path that was the polar opposite of what I really wanted in my heart.
I enrolled in university to study business administration and lived a life of daily stress and heavy resistance because I wasn’t honoring my true expressions and desires.
Every day felt like an uphill battle. I was frustrated and miserable but suppressed all my emotion while doing a great job hiding behind a big smile.
At that time, my health was declining. I suffered from re-occurring bladder infections, IBS, gastric catharsis, anemia, kidney infections, chronic fatigue, polycystic ovary syndrome, depression, insomnia, and the list goes on. Nevertheless, I pushed forward trying to find a cure for my condition everywhere but within.
Allopathic medicine didn’t give me any answers, neither did naturopaths nor dietary advisers.
Eventually, I collapsed. Both my mind and body stopped functioning. I burnt out and couldn’t get out of bed for a month. Somehow, I managed to finish my degree and after my graduation, I promised myself that I would never again compromise my true calling.
What followed was a long journey overseas of healing myself and anchoring my spiritual gifts.
I found my first spiritual guide who helped me disentangle myself from my old misaligned and limited reality and instead begin to consciously create a new one.
After a year of studying with her, I was freer than ever before, I was on my true path but still, I didn’t feel fulfilled. I had developed my intuitive gifts, healed many of my illnesses and gained an expanded awareness, but my sense of separation hadn’t left. In fact, on some level, it felt even more emphasized than before.
My sensitivity to the energies within and around me had been profoundly enhanced and as a result, my external reality felt overwhelming. I felt isolated and I couldn’t relate to others anymore. I hadn’t arrived at my truth. Something had to change.
I found myself no longer resonating with any spiritual teachings. Everything felt rigid and limiting, dogmatic and enhanced the stoic patterns I already carried from my ancestry.
Grateful for all the growth I had experienced with my guide, I left the apprenticeship and committed to finding my truth through my own experience. I knew there was more to life than what I was currently experiencing. I wanted to feel safe, connected, alive, and free to express myself.
It was on a forest dance retreat that I for the first time in my life felt my consciousness arrive fully in my body. Through authentic movement, I merged with my true Self and melted into the moss underneath me and arrived in a state where there was no separation between me and that which I saw with my naked eyes.
My heart blew wide open and I felt the most profound state of oneness known to me at that time. I felt clear, whole, fearless, shameless and free to unapologetically express myself and my animalistic nature. In this state, I felt at home with all the people around me that I barely knew at all. I saw everyone as my soul sisters and brothers and I was in awe of their uniqueness and radiance.
Through allowing my authentic inner-impulses and connecting with my surroundings simply through sensing, I had managed to bypass the limits and separation of my conditioned mind and arrived home in the present moment connected with all that is.
Although, my state of oneness eventually dissipated, what remained was a deep knowing that what I had been looking for had always been within me.
Since then, I’ve been devoted to living my life guided by my feminine knowing that I access through being present with the subtle sensations and feelings that arise from my body.
Although life is still not free from challenges, it is saturated with depth, connection and a passion that fuels me, protects me and inspires me to share my creations with the world.
Allowing myself to be myself, warts and all has helped me heal, reconnect with my body and rediscover the sacredness and the bliss of being alive. This is the greatest gift I’ve received in life and I will do all that I can to share it with others.